Justin Dodd

I was raised in church. My father served as an associate pastor throughout my childhood, and after retiring from his secular career, he accepted a full-time pastoral position at an Assembly of God church.

Because of that, I was constantly exposed to God’s Word through Sunday School, church services, Bible studies, and countless sermons. Yet despite hearing Scripture so often, I wrestled with confusion. Many of the familiar “Sunday School stories” didn’t always line up with the Scriptures they were supposedly based on, and I especially struggled with the mixed messages I received about God’s sovereignty.

For example, my mother died when I was a toddler. As I grew older, I naturally began asking why. My father and sisters—who were grieving and wrestling with their own questions—would often respond with something like, “We just can’t understand God’s will.” Then, whenever a natural disaster devastated a city, I would hear people connected with churches say things like, “That’s God’s judgment on them for their sin.” Yet when a tornado struck a church or a Christian family suffered tragedy, suddenly it was “Satan attacking.”

The result was confusion. People seemed willing to attribute terrible things to both Satan and our good Father.

Then there was the popular phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” Technically that’s true—but often the reason is simply that we ignored God’s wisdom, disobeyed His Word, or refused the warnings of the Holy Spirit.

What I eventually discovered is that we can know God’s will. In fact, it’s impossible to exercise genuine faith without knowing what God has revealed concerning a particular matter.

That religious confusion, combined with the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, made my rebellion seem justified in my own mind.

I became incredibly arrogant. I refused correction because years of living with the consequences of my own pride had left me bitter. I convinced myself that no one was truly altruistic—that everyone was motivated by selfishness. If everyone was simply using everyone else, then people couldn’t be trusted; they could only be manipulated before they manipulated me.

I was full of hatred.

I was consumed by anger.

Ironically, I also lived in constant fear.

Deep down, I knew God was real. I believed hell was real. But because I misunderstood God’s character, I feared what I imagined was His random, unpredictable sovereignty. I feared death. I feared the rapture because I believed I would be left behind. Rather than face those fears, I distracted myself from them.

Oddly enough, I still faithfully paid my tithes. I didn’t dare “steal from God,” and I certainly wanted His blessing on my finances—a motivation rooted more in greed than faith.

I was confused.

I was foolish.

And I was angry.

During those years I became addicted to media. Computer games, movies, television, and endless entertainment constantly flooded my mind. Looking back, I realize much of my thinking, my sense of humor, and even parts of my personality were being shaped by writers I had never met.

Eventually, I ended up in prison.

I had been with the wrong person at the wrong time and was charged with attempted first-degree murder of a police officer and illegal discharge of a firearm.

While I was in jail, I learned I was scheduled to be “initiated” into the cell block—a brutal beating carried out with bars of soap stuffed into socks. One of my cellmates had already endured it, and the deep bruising across his chest and stomach testified to how violent it was.

But it never happened to me.

I couldn’t explain why.

Much later, after my case was miraculously no-billed and I was released from parish prison, I learned what had happened.

A woman from my father’s church had been awakened by God at the very time I was supposed to receive that beating. She later shared that God showed her a curtain and told her I was on the other side of it. He didn’t reveal what was happening—only that she needed to pray in the Spirit for me immediately.

She obeyed.

God protected me.

Not long after, still operating in pride and lacking wisdom, I went into business with a friend. Before long the business failed, leaving me buried in debt.

Finally, after years of fighting God, I admitted what should have been obvious all along:

I didn’t know everything.

I wasn’t owed anything except the judgment my sin deserved.

I stopped running.

I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ, receiving Him as my Savior and beginning the lifelong process of making Him Lord over every area of my life.

Everything changed.

I threw away my DVDs and CDs.

I immersed myself in Scripture, often skipping meals because I couldn’t stop reading the Bible. I fasted regularly. I completely changed my daily routine. Instead of staying up late in front of multiple monitors playing games while watching television, I went to bed at a reasonable hour and sought the Lord. I even began exercising every day and lost a tremendous amount of weight.

Then God blessed me beyond anything I deserved.

I reconnected with the beautiful woman who is now my wife. She reminds me that when we were children I used to tease her before life took us in different directions. Today I am grateful for her forgiveness, her friendship, and the privilege of watching her become even more beautiful with every passing year.

Together God has blessed us with three wonderful daughters. One of my greatest joys is seeing them grow up without many of the confusions that shaped my own childhood. They read Scripture, quote it often, and more than once have lovingly humbled me whenever pride has tried to creep back into my heart.

As I continued studying the Bible, I began to understand God’s Kingdom and His will as revealed in Scripture and confirmed by the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus’ words suddenly made sense:

“Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

We are ambassadors of God’s Kingdom living in a foreign kingdom. Our calling is not to wonder what God might do, but to represent what He has already revealed through His Son.

Today I know that God is for me. And if God is for me, who can successfully stand against me?

The anger is gone.

The fear is gone.

In their place is peace, confidence, joy, and an ever-growing love for the Lord who patiently pursued me through every season of rebellion until I finally surrendered to His grace.

To Him alone be the glory.